Love Takes Time not Effort
by super-blue
Summary: Lily is head over hills in love with Severus, and Severus loves her back.But when Severus won't let go of his dark magic lily is hurt. Lily has to choose between the man she's in love with and the man that is in love with her.Find out who she will choose.
1. Becoming Friends

"Shes finding me out, its bringing me down  
Cuz' nothings is as hard as the first time  
Im fooling myself, she'll never be mine it's too late now"

Chapter One

Becoming Friends

"Potter stop calling me!"

"Can you hear me Lily?"

"Yes and why are you yelling you don't have to."

"You don't?"

"NO!!"

"Oh."

"Well bye and don't call me again or I'll change my number."

"Your number… how do you do that?"

"Bye!" Lily hanged up the phone and there was a knock on the door. Lily went to go answer it.

"What are you doing here?" said Lily

"Well my mom is going out of town for a month and she asked your mother if we could stay here my brother is coming with my mother" Lily looked down and saw that he had his trunk and all of his stuff. She looked back at him and said.

"Yeah well your not welcome here!!" and slammed the door in his face.

"Lily dear who was that?" her mother asked.

"Potter he thinks he's staying here until school starts."

"He is."

"What why?" she wine

"Because I told his mother that I would watch her kids."

"Whatev!!" lily said angrily and ran up the stairs.

"Miss Evans where is my room?" Lily heard James say he was on the stairs. "Thanks for everything…" Lily put on her head phones on and closed her eyes. She could feel someone above her, and looked up. She took off your head phones and said.

"Can I help you?"

"Um do you know where my room is supposed to be?" James said in a surprised voice

"One more door on the left," she said putting her head phones back on her head. She listened to a few more songs and looked up again.

"Can I help you!?" she said in annoyance voice.

"Um no?"

"That's right now go!" She said standing up and opening the door. Lily's mother was standing by the door. She walked into lily's room and said

"Lily is everything ok?" she said sitting on lily's bed.

"Yeah mom why?" lily said walking toward her.

"Why was James in here?" she said raising an eye brow.

"I don't know go ask him."

"Ok I will." She said standing up and walking toward the door.

"Ok… you go do that." Lily said grabbing her iPod.

"Oh and one more thing Lily, grandmother is coming over for the week end. So you and Emma have to share a room for a week end."

"Ok mom… bye" Lily said putting her head phones back on, and she gradually feel a sleep.

Lily woke up to James shaking her, and she jumped up and shouted

"What do you want!!!?"

James took a step back and said "Time for dinner."

"So that gives you the right to shake me to death, maybe I want to starve!!!" she yelled

"I am sorry" he said walking out the door.

"Oh and James?"

"Yeah?" he said looking hopeful

"Tell my mom I will be there in five minutes"

"Okay"

Lily put her iPod away, washed her face and hands. Then walked down the stairs, and sat down. Her mother put the food on the table and James walked in and sat by Lily. Lily looked over at James, He was looking down, she then felt his hand on her knee. She jumped up and said

"What the heck James don't touch me!"

James picked up a spoon off the floor and said "Duh I dropped this"

"SURE!!" Lily grabbed her dish and said "I am eating in my room!"

"Okay honey have fun." Her mother said

"Okay mom." Lily started walking up the stairs. James grabbed her hand and pulled her into the bathroom, He took out his wand and did a spell. Then put her food on the sink.

"What do you what James; you are not going to do something to me, are you?"

James looked taken back, "Like what?"

"I don't know hurt me, ect… you know" she said in a bored voice moving her hands.

"That sounds awful."

"It SOUNDS like you"

"Lily I am sorry for every think that I did to you."

"It is too late now." Lily said trying to open the door

"I can never be myself how, can I when I'm stuck in heck? wanna tell you how I feel inside, but every time I go and try you do this to me"

"Hey I know that song" lily said looking up at James, he was nearly crying.

"Hey it's ok" Lily said trying not to laugh

"Lily I am trying to say I am sorry"

"And I heard you" lily said looking at his face again, "look I am sorry it is just hard to be serious with you."

"Why?"

"I don't know." Lily looked at his face again and said "look let's just have a compromise, if you don't try any think on me then I be your friend… wow it sounds like I am five again."

"Deal" James said taking his shaky hand out. Lily took it and looked at his face again, and he was crying

'_I know I am going to regret this"_ lily thought. Lily pulled him closer and hugged him.

James could feel the pain shooting throughout him _'I'm fooling myself, she'll never be mine it's too late now'_ he thought

Lily let go and backed up then smiled at him "You're okay, it looks like we are becoming friends now"

"Yep" James said remembering the pain


	2. Our Lake

So hard to get, is that what its gonna be?  
Sitting down not even looking at me  
I hope forever, I won't remember  
This tonight, So out the door, Gone away  
Running so fast through the pouring rain  
Gone forever, So much better, Here tonight

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Lily woke up with a weird sound coming from the side of her bed. She jumped out of her bed and saw James sitting by her bed. James head was in his hands.

"James what is it, and why are you in my room?" Lily said slowly waking toward him. When Lily was standing next to him he grabbed her legs and started crying.

'_Ookkaayy what is up with him why won't he stop crying? It's hard to be mad at him when he is crying.'_ Lily thought

Lily slowly sat on the ground and said

"What is up with you?"

"Here I don't mind." James said handing her a letter. Lily opened the letter and started reading it.

Mr. and Miss Potter

I am sorry to tell you that your uncle Joey is dead

Last night he-who-must-not-be-name

Was seen close to where he was murdered

A funeral will be held.

On Saturday, August, 1, 1954

Lily looked back at James and said

"I'm sorry James, is your mother going to go?"

"Yeah she is on her way"

"Well I'm going to get ready." Lily said standing up

"You are going to come?"

"Well my mom is going to make me"

"Lily go get ready you ARE going to the funeral" Lily's mother yelled up the stairs

"See, now go get ready James" Lily said opening the door. James got up and left.

………………………………………………

Lily was going down the line and shaking everyone's hands and saying I'm sorry for your lost. James's mother was second to last and James was last. When she was to his mother then there was a person with black hair walking behind his mother. Lily put her head to the side and said.

"Severus is that you?"

"Lily?" Severus said. Lily ran up to Severus and hugged him. Severus turned her around.

"Man I missed you so much!!" Lily said Severus put her down.

Lily saw someone running from the corner of her eye.

"Was that James?" she asked Miss. Potter

"Yes"

"Should I go after him?" Lily said

"No he just need time to think"

"Okay" Lily turn back to Severus and said

"What are you doing here?"

"Oh one of my aunts died or something" Severus said

"So what do you want to do?"

"Well we could go to the lake that is nearby" Severus said taking her hand

"There is a lake here?" Lily said looking up at him

"Yes"

"How do you know, do you come here a lot?"

"Yeah" Severus said not looking at her

"Why?"

"We are here" Severus said. Lily looked at the lake and saw the sun shining off of the water. The wind blowing in her face, all of the members she shared with Severus raced through her head and she said

"Wow!!"

"I know it reminds me of you."

"Thanks Sev…"

"Lily?" Severus said looking at her. Lily looked at him and said

"Yes Sev..."

"There is something that I have been waiting to ask you for a long time now."Severus said

"Yes?"

"Do I have something in my teeth?" Severus said showing his teeth

"No Sev… you do not have anything in your teeth, do I?" Lily said showing her teeth.

"No I don't see any" Lily and Severus sat down by a tree, Lily rested her head on his shoulder.

"Severus are you still doing dark magic?" Lily asked quietly

"No I have only done it once and you all ready know about that time"

"Severus..?" but before he could answer then Severus father started to come closer. Severus and Lily jumped up.

"Lily I'm sorry but if my father sees me with you then I am going to be dead"

"Severus there you are, who are you with?" his father said walking up to Lily and Severus

"My name is Ella Black sir" Lily said putting her hand out, Severus's father took her hand and shook it

"Severus never told me about you, who is your father?'

"Well my twin sister is Bella Black, but you have probably never heard of me, my father does not like to talk about me much"

"I can't see why, you are beautiful."

"Thank you sir"

"Well Severus we are leaving in five minute I can't stand being around muggle for too long."

"Yes father just give me a minute"

"Hurry" Severus father said walking a way

"Wow you think fast" Severus said

"Severus meet me here tomorrow" Lily said

"Severus hurry!!" his father yelled

"Okay I have to go" Severus said turning around

Lily grabbed his arm and said "Wait!"

Severus turned around and said "What"

Lily put her arms around his neck and pulled him closer

"SEVERUS COME NOW!!"

Inches apart Lily said "You better go"

Severus gave Lily a peck in the lips and left.

Lily called out "Same time and place tomorrow"

"I will try bye Ella Black" Severus said than ran to his father.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

**A/N: I do not own harry potter or any of the song that you find in here. PLEASE review and I will try to finish more of the story.**


	3. Our Lake II

A/N: I do not own Harry Potter. Hope you in joy this and let me know what you think. Okay ;) and I am sorry It took soo long for me to update… I had school.

Lily watched Severus leave and sat down, James walked up to lily and said

"So are you guys close?" Lily looked at him and said

"Yes… you can say that."

"Do you want to tell me about him?" James asked

Lily looked at James and said "Come on James you HATED Severus with passion you hate him all most as much as you 'like me'… so why in the world would you want to know anything about him?"

James blushed and sat next to Lily "Come on Lily you know that is not true I Love You!" Lily hit James playfully and said

"Come on James you said you wouldn't hit on me."

"You are right." James said looking at the lake, James looked at lily and said

"Hey I know something that will take you mind off of thinks."

"I highly doubt it."

"Come on Lily have faith in me." James said standing up an offering his hand to her, Lily took it and said

"So what is you craze plan?"

"Lets swim in the lake."

"What! It is freezing." Lily said trying to pull away from James. James pick up Lily and started to walk her to the water. Lily started yelling

"NO STOP IT JAMES I DON'T WANT TO GET WET…. STOP IT I AM SOOOO COLD!!!" James' feet were in the water.

James started to move her back and forth saying "1….2…..3." while Lily said "NO....NO…NOOOO!!!!" James throw her in the water and Lily gasped Lily stood up and started to splash James.

'_Lily what are you doing why are you here with him?' _Lily thought. She stops splashing James and started to walk out of the water James grabbed her wrist.

Lily turned around and glared at James "James let go of my hand NOW!" James let go and Lily walked off when Lily got to the tree. She picked up her wand and dried herself off James was at her side and asked

"Lily what is wrong?" Lily looked at James straight in the eye and said

"James I can't do this… I… I'm in love with someone else."

"Who?"

Lily put her hand and James shoulder and said "I am sorry that your uncle died, and if there is anything I can do to help let me know."

James was astonished. Lily turned around and walked away; James slowly followed her.

* * *

Lily woke up, it was five in the morning. She knew that she was going to meet Severus today; this made her stomach ache in pleasure. She also knew that she was not going to be able to get back to sleep. So she got dress and wrote her mother a letter and went out the door.

Lily slowly walked to the lake to meet Severus. When she got there then Severus was all ready there sitting by the tree. Lily walked up to him and said

"Hello Severus." Severus put his head down on his knees. Lily sat beside him and put her hand on his back and said "Severus what is wrong?"

"Nothing Lily… just go away." Lily went in front of him and put her hand on his chin and made him look at her. When Lily saw him it made her pale there were cuts and bruise all over his face. Lily eyes started to water '_who would do this to a person?'_

"Severus who did this to you?"

Severus yanked his head out of her hands and said "No one."

Lily stood up and said "Severus stand up."

"Why?" Lily grabbed his hand and made him stand up. Severus fell back into the tree. Lily took out her wand and pointed it at Severus' face; she started to heal his wounds. When his face was healed Lily asked

"Severus did they hit you anywhere else?"

"No."

"Don't you dare lie to me Severus!" Severus took off his shirt. Lily had all way fantasized about this moment, but right now she just want to through up. His chest was even worst then his face was; the bruised where darker and the cuts were deeper. Lily started to fall into him but caught herself with the tree she was looking down and she started to sob

"Lily this is nothing." Lily looked at him with tears coming down and said

"Don't you daresay this is nothing! Who is doing this to you?"

Lily voice started to crack. Severus looked down and said

"My… dad got drunk last night." Lily started to sob even hard. Severus put his hand on her back and said

"Shh…shh it is okay… Lily I am fine." Lily took out her wand and started to heal those wounds and this time it took twice as long as the first one. When Lily was done she said

"Severus take off your pants."

"Lily I am fine you have …"

"Severus shut up… and take off your pants!" Severus unbuttons his pants and started to pull his pant down. Lily looked down at his legs. Lily ran three feet and started to through up. When she was done she walked by to Severus and looked back at his knee it was cut, more like crush you could see his bone and blood was coming out of it, it also had an infection.

"Lily ?"

"Severus DON'T!!!" she warned Lily started to heal that wound to. When she was done then she said

"Turn around Severus."

Severus did as he was told and Lily started to heal his back. When Lily was finish then she was tired. Severus turned and looked at her

"What spell did you use?"

"It doesn't matter." Lily felt a sharp pain… like same one was kicking her over and over again. She could barely breath '_so this is how he felt'_ Lily thought. Lily used the spell that transfer just the pain but heals the wounds to different body. So even though she looked fine she was in ache. Lily fell to her knees and pain shout through her left knee. She didn't understand this, '_why is there blood?.. could it be…. Dark…_ _magic?' _ She then fell on her face and was taken in to the blackness.

**It was then I realized the only way to heal him **

**Was to take the pain and make it my own **

**But was this right? Was it ok… did it make him happy**

**I think not…**

**But the thing that scared me the most was that **

**I couldn't … sure I could take his bruises and cuts**

**But I could NEVER take his true pain, the one that **

**He tried to hind so while. But I could see through his lies**

**But the thing that he wanted the most**

**The thing that I could not give his was **

**His happiness……. **

**And this scared me the most**


	4. The Glaring Truth

Chapter four: The Glaring Truth

Lily woke up in a dark room she tried to sit up but the pain was making it too unbearable. So she settled for her eyes, but that didn't work because it was too dark. She tried to lift up her hand to put it in front of her. It was only now that she realized that she was bound to a cot. She started to panic.

"Severus?" her voice was just a whisper

"Lily?" Severus said going to her side

"Severus what is going on?" Lily said

"Lily I am so sorry." Lily her a sob threatening to come in his voice

"Severus where are we and why am I bound to this cot?"

Severus took out his wand and lit up the room. Lily looked around then looked at Severus. Severus was sitting on his feet and his head was in his hands.

"Severus can you take this off of me?"

Severus shook his head but still didn't look at her.

"Severus what is going on?" Lily said started to panic.

Severus took out his wand and stood next to Lily. "Lily I am so sorry, please forgive me?"

Lily looked at him confused, Severus lifted up his wand and Lily felt a sharp pain and it was black

* * *

**AN: I don't own harry potter … please please review I am not going to write more! Until I have ten reviews!!!! I hate it when authors do that but I need to no if anyone is even reading this … I am open to any ideas **

**Preview of the next chp :**

Lily woke up at the lake. She sat up it looked like it was about noon. She stood up holding onto the tree for support, but she didn't need to because she was healed. She heard someone behind her.

"James?"

**Later on in the chp:**

"Severus how long have you been using dark magic?" Lily said she heard her voice crack on dark magic


	5. Hurt, Embarrassed, and Scared?

Lily woke up at the lake. She sat up it looked like it was about noon. She stood up holding onto the tree for support, but she didn't need to because she was healed. She heard someone behind her.

"James?" Lily saw James sitting next to her; he was staring at the lake.  
"You know Lily… you look really happy with Severus, how well do you know him?"  
"Well enough… why?"  
"No reason." James said turning away from her.  
"Do you know where Severus is?"  
"No I am sorry… I don't" James said getting up and started to walk away. Lily ran after him and walked beside him.  
"So what do you plan on doing today?" Lily asked  
"Mm" James replied putting his hands in his pocket "My mom is going to pick us up in a few days."  
"That is cool so you won't be living here anymore?" Lily asked  
"Yeah I will finally get out of your way." James said  
"Well that is cool" Lily said and they reached the house  
"Hey" James said when they were on the door step. "Will you please not tell anyone at school about this?"  
"About what?"  
"You know how I went to you house and the funeral… my fans would have a field day, they might hurt you or something."  
"You're a jerk!" Lily said '_man I thought he change… I guess no one ever changes'_ Lily said walking into the house.

Three weeks went by fast James left and to Lily's surprise she was lonely without him. She spent most of her days by the lake hoping that Severus would come… he never did.

…

Lily found herself in front of platform nine and three quarts. She went through the train looking for Severus.  
"Lily!" Lily turned and saw her best friend moving toward her. She grabbed her hand and pulled her in a hug.  
"Hey Lily aren't you going to be late for the meeting that you have to go to? I mean Ella already went."  
'_Ella_...Crap heads meeting!" Lily said and ran out.  
"I am sorry that I am late." Lily said breathless  
"It is okay I was able to tell everyone where to go."  
"You sure" Lily said looking up. _'when I first looked at James the room went quite and everyone thought that I was going to rip his head off… which is silly cause I am not that rude… well okay I am but I was just to tried to do anything… where is Severus?' _Lily looked round the room and saw him. He didn't look hurt but he was trying to not look at Lily… and failed. Lily smiled at him and she saw guilt fill his eyes. Lily signed  
"Well okay if that is all, you all can leave." Severus was out the door before Lily could get to him.  
"Thanks James sorry I was late."  
"That is okay… "  
"Well I have to go bye." Lily said and running out the door.  
"Bye" James said  
Lily Saw Severus turned into a corridor and ran after him; Lily opened the door and sat down next to Severus, lily Severus were the only one in the corridor.  
"Severus?"  
"Forget it Lily I all ready know what you are going to say." Severus said sitting on the other side of her  
"What?" Severus just looked out the window. Lily sat by him and said  
"Well what I was going to say is that we should prank James before he pranks us."  
"You mean me." Severus said raising an eye brow  
"Come ooon Severus it would be soo much fun." Lily said putting her hand on his arm.  
"Okay what are we going to do?"

"What are some of the things he did to you?" Lily asked

"Well he charmed my hair to stand up." Lily smiled at the memory.

"That won't work it is all ready like that…but I know what we can do, we can charm his hair to be blue and put pink dot all over his body." Lily said taking out her wand and thinking of the spell that she would use.

"Okay lets do this" Severus said standing up.

"Wait sev he will know something is up if you go." Lily said putting her hand on his chest to stop him.

"You are right you go." Severus said and sat back down.

Lily walked out of the corridor and started looking for James. She finally found him talking with his friends. Lily walked inside and looked at James.

"Sorry wrong one." And walked back out

Lily overheard Sirius saying "James why don't you go after her?" "Cuz she hates me and I am sick of her… beside everyone knows that I only want to go out with her for the show."

Lily eyes filled with tears 'I knew it!' she scream inside her head. Lily cased the spell on James then ran cuz it would only take five minutes for the spell to take effect.

…

James walked out of the bathroom after he was done changing his clothes. When he see the most beautiful girl he ever saw. She had long black hair down to her mid back. Outstanding bright blue eyes her eyes reminded him of lily's eyes. Her figure was absolute, but the thing that through him off wasn't any of this it was the fact that she reminded him of Remus, five days after the full moon. Her skin was very pale close to death

"Hi are you new here?" James asked

"Yes"

"If you want then you can sit with me and my friends"

"Okay…thanks" she said then start to drag her bags

"Here let me get that." James said taking her bags from her and started to walk back to his compartment. He opened the door and put her stuff above the sit and sat down.

"Well hello there." Sirius said flashing her, his famous smile and shaking her hand.

"So where are you from?" James asked

"Um…is something wrong with your hair?" she asked

James looked down and to his surprised he had pink dots all over him. He brought his had to his hair it didn't feel different, but it most likely look different.

"Um excuse me." He said and ran to the bathroom. When James looked in the mirror he was about to cry 'somebody' change his beautiful hair bright blue and it was going darker by the second, but that wasn't the worst part of it. He had pink dots ever where ALL over his body 'somebody' was going to pay and BIG. The last time 'somebody' thought that it was funny to prank one of the marauder then 'they' were never heard of again, because we cased a spell on them so that they couldn't talk for a month. Teachers tried to pin it on us, but no we are WAY too good.

"EVAN!" James said thinking back to when she 'fell' into our room. James ran out of the bathroom running opening and shutting compartments blinded by his anger. His found her next to who else Snape.

"what do you want potter?" lily asked standing up. Without thinking James grabbed her hand and pulled her out of the compartment and into the next free one. James dropped her arm, and slammed the door.

"WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!" James yelled

"WHAT are you talking about?" lily asked

"WHY DID YOU DO THIS TO ME?" James asked

"Oh that I was bored." Lily replied

"Oh so you think that just because you were BORED you think that you can just prank ME!" James said

"Well yeah" lily said

James took out his wand and pointed it at lily. "Well I will show you what being prank real is." Lily was truly scared of James she had NEVER seen him this angry. Lily flashes out her wand and hit James with a spell and he hit the floor. Lily levitated James in the air

"Have you ever even thought of anyone else but yourself?" lily asked James didn't reply

"See the way you feel right now... hurt, embarrassed, and scared... that is how all the people that you prank feel like. Sure it is fun for YOU but did you even THINK of any one else…you have NO idea how many people you hurt."


	6. Bloodly Secrets and Death

'Everyone smells soo good in here' I thought as I walked down the great hall to the hat sitting on the chair 'if that is what you call sitting. It doesn't really have a butt to sit on.' The teacher motion for me to sit down then she placed the hat on my head.

"VAMPIRE!" a voice screamed in my head. I looked around but no one was throwing a spell at me so no one heard it?

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? YOU ARE WELL AWEAR THAT VAMPIRES ARE NOT ALLOWED HERE."

'But I am not a vampire!'

"LIES YOUR BLOOD REEKS OF IT!"

'Aren't you a hat? Where is your nose?'

"YOU KNOW THAT IT IS AGAINST THE LAW TO ALLOW VAMPIRE TO ATTEND HERE. ESPECIALLY SOME ONE LIKE YOU DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOUR FATHER DID TO US."

'Don't you dare compare me to that devil!"

"132 he killed and that was JUST THE PUREBLOODS."

'Please I don't have anywhere else to go. My father he… killed my mother to ..."

"Fine but this might be painful."

Flash Back

"Chathryn come here" mom yelled up the stairs. I starting running down the stairs 'no' I tried to pull my body back but it was like I was just there to watch 'please stop this is where it starts' I pulled even harder but it was no use no amount of magic is going to save her. It was only then I realized I was going to have to relive the memory of my mother's death.

"What?" I asked walking into the kitchen. Mom was holding my school lunch.

"Thanks mom" someone knocked on the door and I ran to get it 'NO' I tried again but it was no use.

"Daddy!" I yelled with such excitement I ran into his arms

"Hey Chathryn how are you doing?"

"Great" I said to his chest I breathed in his scent he always smelled like a hospital I never knew why, all I knew was that every time he held me I felt safe…I was home. 'No don't hug him!' I felt like my heart was going to explode having him hold me like that…like everything was okay.

"Will you go get me my jacket out of my room?" he asked while he put me down.

"Okay" I said running up the stairs. I ran to the bed and grabbed his jacket and started to run back down when I heard the screams. I started to walk slowly down the stairs and that is when I saw my father stab my mom. Blood went everywhere; he took my mom's lifeless body and started to drink her blood.

You know how went you watch a scary movie you want to watch it again because for some reason watching it the second time it's not has scary to you; maybe because you know what is going to happen? Well for me the second time was worst watching because it was reopening the scar and secrets I tried so hard to cover. It was so blunt to me who I was and what would never change it felt like irony was laughing in my face. Like irony was playing some kind of sick joke on me.

The second time I understood every think and the pain was unbearable, it hurt so bad that I thought for sure my past self could feel it. But I knew she couldn't because she started to walk towards him and he drop moms lifeless body and looked at me. His eyes were bloodshot and he had blood dripping from his mouth. It was only then my past self started to feel the pain. Her pain added to my pain and I felt like my soul was going to be ripped apart.

I ran to mom and knelt down beside her. The moment she saw her face then my pain doubled it felt like I was on fire like I was burning but I wasn't dying. 'Please take me out of here I don't know how much pain I can stand… please hat I don't care if you tell… I don't care if you kill me but this just hurts too much… please kill me…'

As she was lying on mom then dad pulled her off she grabbed her arm and slash her shirt open and carved a symbol on her collar bone and she pasted out.

End of flash back

'Please no more… please' I was back at Hogwarts and my head was in my hands and the room was silence

"I am sorry you had to go through that"

"Twice! Thanks to you"

"You have shows such bravery that I know what house you will be in"

"GRIFINDOOR" but this time then everyone heard because they started clapping the teacher took the hat off my head. And the teacher motions me to a table. I sit down and close my eyes and the memory of my mother's death was never this clear in my life, it wasn't even this bad the first time around. It took nine years to stop dreaming of that memory every night now I knew that I never would stop. And I want to cry soo bad but I know if I cry that first tear the tears will not stop running down.

Sirius POV

"Look padfoot it's that girl that was sitting with us on the train." Remus says pointing to her, she walks up to the hat and sits on the chair. The moment the hat went on her head it looked like she was going to be sick. But after a while she just put her head in her hands. It took the sorting hat soo long to decide, I thought that he was never going to say it.

And When Chathryn walked to the table then she looked like she was in her own world, but after she sat down and closed her eyes then there was so much pain on her face that it was hard for me to even look at her.

….

"NO!" I shouted. I was in my new dorm room and I was having a nightmare about my father. Isn't it funny how when I was finally able to smile again after the first time. Then it just gets thrown back at me and harder this time?

'I have to get out of here' I put my shoes on and started to go outside. But I guess I must have token a wrong turn somewhere because I had never seen this part of the castle. I tried to go back but I couldn't remember how many stairs I took and I end up on the top of the castle. It was so beautiful at night my mom loved watching the stars, sometimes we would stay out for hours watching them together. And most of the time I would fall asleep in her arms. I smiled at the memory than my eye sight was buried and I knew that I was crying.

The first time this happen then I tried to fight it, but I knew that there was no way I going to be able to stop now. So I let my sadness consume me… and I cried…I didn't know if it was helping me or hurting me more all I knew was that I was not going to stop.

I wanted all my pain to go away… I wanted to forget…. But most of all I wanted to be strong to be able to life through this.

I knew the only way to health was to let the pain run through me…. So I did I ran through everything the second time and what I remember from the first time, I even touch the scar he gave me… and I slowly fell asleep.

….

I woke up with the sun in my eyes I rolled over to the other side to get the sun out of my eyes. That's when I notice that there was someone watching. I tried to open my eyes but I could barely open them.

"Who are you?" I asked

"Sirius you know the guy from the train."

"Oh."

"Are you okay?"

"Hopefully"

"I am sorry."

"For what?" I said sitting up

"I don't know but you look like you are in a lot of pain."

"Oh I am." I said trying to stand up but I guess after you cried for so many hours and you can barely see then that doesn't really work out too well.

"Don't fall!" Sirius said catching my fall

"Thanks" I said just laying there. And I guess he didn't really know what to do because he just put me back on the ground and said

"Are you sure you are okay?"

"I never said that I was."

"Oh yah" he said looking his hands

"If you are uncomfortable then you can just leave I am sure I will be able to see in an hour or two."

"Will I can't just leave you here"

"Why not it's not like I am going anywhere."

"Here why don't I clean you up a bit.'

"You are not going to take off any of my clothes."

"NO of course I'm not I was even thinking that I was going to just cast a spell on you."

"Will it kill me?"

"No"

"Then I don't want you to do it" Sirius' laugh brought a smile to my face

"Come on you don't want me to go to jail do you?"

"Um…"

"Hold still." Sirius said a weird word which I guess was the spell. And I was alert and my hair was clean my teeth was even brush. I sat up and look at him

"Thanks" I took his arm and stood up

"Thanks again for ever thing" I said and started to walk away but he grabbed my hand

"Chathryn" he said and pulled me in a hug. "I can see how badly you are hurting and I know that you won't want to tell me but I can't stand to see how much pain you are in."

"Yah try living it… why do you care soo much? I mean I don't even know you."

"Because you remind me of myself before I was saved." He pulled me back to look at my face. I looked in his eyes and he was honestly hurting for me.

"Thanks"

"Will it be too early to kiss you?"

"Why don't you try and find out." Sirius put his hand on my face and pulled me in when our lips touch then I didn't feel anything but I guess he did because he was pulling me closer. The only thing I could think of was my parents, but when the kiss deepen then I started to feel something… a tiny speck of hope smaller than anything I have ever seen but it was still there.

…...

As I was walking down the hall to my class then everything I saw reminded me of mom I guess I was on the second stag the first crying your heart out second being remind of her every where I going. Third… killing myself or at least wanting to, I wander if I will do it this time… well I have nothing to lose this time. So maybe…..

"Hey Chathryn" Sirius called after me, when he came to me he grabbed my hand and started walking with me.

"Hi" I wonder if he will be offended if I pull my hand away? What the heck

"What did I do something wrong?" he said trying to take my hand again

"Well I don't really know you."

"So" he said taking my hand again. I pulled it back

"You don't just get to have me now just cuz you help me out a bit"

Sirius look frustrated with me 'good he should me, he should know better'

"Class takes your sits" the teacher said as we walked in the door. I grabbed a sit by the window and Sirius sat two behind me.

'Man this teacher is soo boring' it was ten minute into it and more than half of the class was a sleep. I turned to look at the window none was outside except for a man. 'Wonder what he is doing…that guy looks... no it can't be' it look like he just came from the castle. Suddenly he turned into a bird; and started to fly towards me. But he wasn't fly straight because something was wrong with his wing. He landed on the window sill and looked right at me. He had this kind of look in his eye like he knew me somehow.

Then it hit me like a ton of bricks and I couldn't move it had to be him but how I saw him die… no it couldn't not be him. Please don't let it be him. I look at the bird but now that I think about it then it was a bat. There was something off about him like his need it talk to me. 'Forget it there is no way that I will ever talk to him.' But for some reason then I couldn't look away. He looked ….sad I know me out of all people should be angry with him… but I …how could I be…. I can't explain it… but half of me needs him, needs to be held by him again….to be loved by him. I mean he is the only one who can tell me about my vampire side. No this is crazy, I force myself to not look at him. And the minutes dragged on even longer I wanted soo badly to look out the window but I couldn't , every time I look at him then I think of mom. So I sat…. and waited I thought that my head was going to explode because I could feel him watching me...my every move…

…...

"Hey Chathryn wait up" Sirius ran after me I slowed down for him

"What happen to you? You look like you have seen a ghost"

"Mm..." I started walking faster

"Hey are you mad at me?"

"No"

"Then why are you walking faster."

"If it is all right with you then I want to be alone"

Sirius walked a little bit slower and said "but you need to talk about your problems it doesn't do much good if you just keep it in side you."

'Man he is really getting annoying' I just keep on walking

"Chathryn you can't run from this forever."

"Watch me try."

"Chathryn! Just stop this is stupid"

'Go away' I walked a little faster

"CHATHRN" Sirius said and grabbed my hand him pulled me to a stop and made me look at him

"What is going on?"

"More then you will every no" I said trying to pull away, he grabbed my hand harder

"No Chathryn tell me"

"No I won't tell a stranger my life story" I tried to pull away again but he would not let go.

"Sirius let go of my hand"

"Not until you tell me"

"Let go now" I don't know what it was but the next thing I know was that Sirius was ten feet down the hall

"What the heck how did you do that?" I looked at my hands 'no the transformation is happing' I ran as fast as I could. Even after he stopped chasing me …even after I felt like I was going to die. I just keep running

I found myself in the tower again. I fell to me knees and curled into a ball and cried

'No this can't be happening again….I can't do anything to him …I won't'

'It would be better if I just end my life'

'No'

'I have nothing to live for' I argue with myself

'What about Sirius?' I asked myself

'What about him I don't even know him'

I stood up and walked to the edge. I was scared to death, but I don't know what it was but I couldn't stop.

Before I knew it I was falling. I never felt more free and trapped in my whole life. The seconds felt like years, but I never wanted it to end…me to end

Than two feet from the ground something caught my leg I look to see who it was

"Dad?"


	7. Sex Change

**A/N: sorry for bringing in Chathryn it was kind of random I will explain why I did now **

…

Lily was walking down the halls looking for Severus when someone pulled her hand and took her into a dark room.

"What the heck…."

"Shh." a hand went to her mouth. She looked up it was James 'of course it was'

"James what the heck are you doing?" she said whispering

"Well I kind of pulled a prank on someone"

"Of course you did… but why are you trying to hide me then?"

"Well I kind of turn myself so it looked like you did it."

"WHAT the heck James you jerk!" Lily said slapping him

"Ow!" James said rubbing his face

"Forget this I am leaving" Lily said getting up

"I wouldn't do that." James said going quieter as she walked away

Lily opened the door and started to walk down the halls again

"Hey you" Lily turned around and saw some big guy chasing after her. Lily started running 'why am I running from this guy'

'I don't know all I know is that he looks scary' Lily said answering her own question. The next thing she knew her face was on the ground and it was hard to breathe.

"What the heck get off of me!"

"Then stop running away from me"

"Okay I won't run… just getting off I can't breathe"

"Sorry" he said reaching his hand out. Lily took his hand and stood up

"What's up Remus?" James said.

Lily look around saying "Remus where?'

"There" James said pointing to the big guy

"What did you do to him?"

"James there you are." Sirius said coming out of no where

"Oh I see you cased that spell on Remus" Sirius said appearing in front of L5ily

"Yeah I did" James said looking at Sirius

"When did you guys come up with a spell?" Lily asked

"Last night when we were…" James said

"Shh... not in front of the kids." Sirius said interrupting James

Lily look at Remus he was starting to look like himself 'why is he blushing?' lily wondered

"It looks like Remus is coming back" James said

"I need to go and study." Remus said

"Hey are you going to go to the library?" Lily asked

"Yeah are you coming?" Remus asked

"Yeah" Lily said following him

…

"Hey" Lily said pulling on Remus' shirt before then entered into the library

"What?" Remus asked

"Will you help me with something" Lily asked

"Um sure?"

"Ok no going back on this" Lily said and took something out of her bag and drank it.

"Wait what did you drink?" Remus asked

"This potion that will let me walk through walls" Lily said. Lily tried to put her hand through the wall but it didn't work

"Wait if this isn't working then what did I drink?" Lily asked. Lily took out the bottle and looked at it

"Oh no" Lily said

"What? What did you drink?" Remus asked

"I drank the sex change potion" Lily said already her voice was getting lower and her hair was shorter

"So now what?" Remus asked

"Let's go to the bathroom" Lily said taking his hand; she started walking left.

"Lily do you even know where the bathroom is?" Remus asked

"No I guess not" she said letting go of Remus' hand

"Three doors down"

They entered the bathroom

"OH MY HECK" Lily screamed

"What?" Remus asked

"Look at me" Lily stood side by side from Remus she was three inches taller and still had her girly face

"You look fine; in fact you look better than James and Sirius."

"No I don't I look like a girl" Lily said falling to the floor and put her head in her hands

"That's because you are a girl…Come on Lily you look fine" Remus said walking to her

Lily stood up and looked at the mirror

"My clothes are too tight and I have a girly face"

"How long does that last any ways?"

"24 to 48 hours"

"Why do you even have that potion?" Remus asked

"Maybe I can fix this." Lily said she made her clothes two sizes bigger and cut her hair to look more boyish Lily looked at the mirror again and felt like crying

"I look ridiculous"

"Of course you do, anyone would look funny with that look on their face" Remus said. Remus walked up to Lily and gave her a hug

"Come on Lily you look fine I think you even look better than James and Sirius putting together"

"Really?" Lily said looking at him

"Yes" Remus said, his face started to go red again

"Thanks Remus" Lily said hugging him again

"Okay what were you going to do any ways" Remus asked ending the hug

"Oh yeah I need to look something up in the forbidden part of the library"

"Why?"

"Shh it's a secret" Lily said taking his hand 'why is his face red again?' Lily wondered

Lily and Remus walk through the Library and stopped in a corner

"Okay on the other side of that wall is the forbidden part of the library."

"Come on Remus didn't get cold feet on me now all you have to do is talk to the lady at the desk over there. I'll drink the potion and walk through the wall "

"Don't forget to drink the right one this time" Remus said

"Okay thanks, now go talk to the lady"

"She has a name you know"

"I don't care" Lily said taking the potion out of her bag and drank it. She looked back at Remus and the lady; they looked like they were in a deep conversation. She walked through the wall

"Okay werewolf wait I don't want Remus to think that I know about him so I need to get another book" Lily said out loud

"Vampires" she whispered, she went to the W's first than went to the V's

"Crap if I don't hurry than the potion will were off" Lily went back from where she came from and walked through the wall again. Lily looked back at Remus he was still in a deep conversation. Lily walked to the closes table and set the books down and walked to where Remus was.

"Hey Remus I found that book that you were looking for the other day"

"Oh right thanks for helping me"

"Is there anything I can do for you, did you find everything?" the lady said looking at lily

"Yes I was able to find everything" Lily said walking back to the table

"What books did you get any ways?" Remus asked

"One about werewolf and vampires"

"Why?" Remus ask, Lily notice that his face was whiter than usual

"Oh you know… any ways let's get on with it; you take notes on the werewolf's and I will do the vampire one."

"Okay" Remus said putting up the book

Lily opened her book and started to read it

_From the beginning of time vampires were formed just like any other human. It's true that they were stronger and more beautiful than an average human, but they were not made lusting after blood. It was extremely rare to have vampires bite humans. However, in the 1800 that all change when a vampire named Zador Black started to lust after blood. He was never satisfied with animal blood and hated any other kind of food. One day while walking through the woods Zador came across a lost human; who had drunken himself to sleep. When Zador was above the body his thirst was unbearable he started to do the unthinkable he started to drink his blood. When he was finished he had never felt more alive in his life. After that day he went on a bloodlust killing any human that cross his path. People started to notice that the same kinds of killings were happening and were happening too often. The people of the city found him and chase him out of the city for fear of their lives. He ran for days and landed in a small town with very few people no more than a 1000. _

"Lily?" Remus asked

Lily looked up at him losing her train of thought "Yeah?"

"Um I think the librarian is coming over." Lily looked over to where she always was and didn't find her.

"Crap!" Lily said Lily saw her helping a first year, who looked like they were going to explode with excitement. Lily remembered the first time she came to the library she most likely looked the same as the first year. One look at the books Remus and Lily were reading and the librarian would know that they went in the forbidden place. Lily and Remus slowly got up from the table and head towards the door.

"Remus and Lily you too have Detention." The librarian called after them.

"Dang it how did she know that it was me?" Lily asked walking out

"I don't know" Remus replied

"So what did you find out about werewolves?" Lily asked

"Why…why don't you go first?"

"Okay but not hear I found out a lot of info about Vampires." Lily said

"Okay where do you want to go?" Remus asked

"Let's go on top of the tower."

"Okay" Remus said they started heading towards the tower when they ran into James and Sirius.

"Oh hey Remus we were looking for you every where" James said

" Well if you were smart then you would have check the library because I told you guys that I was going to be in the library don't you remember?" Remus asked

"Oh yah I do remember you saying something like that, but didn't you go with Lily where is she now." Sirius asked

"Yeah and who is that boy standing right next to you?" James asked pointing at Lily

"Dude I am right here you can just talk to me" Lily said to James.

"Okay than… We were planning on prank snivels now want to come." James asked

"Why do you always prank him? I mean out of anyone else why him?" Lily asked

"What you don't know? It's because he is in love with Lily Evans duh" Sirius said

"Really?" Lily asked looking excited "I mean um…. Well maybe it's just me but it seems like if you want a girl to like you, let alone fall in love with you then you wouldn't go hurting her friends…. I mean would you like it if she hurt Sirius?" Lily ask

"Well she all ready does already hurt me… all the time" Sirius said

"THAT IS BECAUSE YOU…. Whatever it's just a thought I mean if I were her than I would like you more if you didn't hurt my friends and all I don't know maybe that is just me just do whatever you want."

"You are weird you know that right?" James asked

"Yah you are weird… are you gay or something?" Sirius asked

"WHAT no … I'm leavening, you coming Remus?" Lily asked walking away

"Yeah I guess" Remus said following her

"Hey Remus do you know what I was thinking" Lily said and stopped walking

"What" Remus asked

"Why don't we just go to that room" Lily said

"What the heck are you talking about?" Remus asked

"You know that room where you walk by it a couple times while thinking of something that you need and then a door appears and then it's there." Lily said

"Oh you mean that room … you know that it has a name don't you?" Remus ask

"Whatever I don't care let's just go" Lily said

"Ookkaaaay" Remus said slowly

It took them ten more minutes to get there.

"Okay let me do it" Lily said, Lily walked back and forth thinking of a room that had anything to do with vampires or werewolves. On the third try a door appeared Lily and Remus step into the room.

It looked just like a library it was filed with books and pictures on the walls but not just any pictures they were family trees. Lily walked to the first one on top it said werewolf family tree starting with Connor and ending with Maher. Lily moved on to the next one it was another tree and in some places then you could see the two trees join together.

"Hey Lily come look at this." Remus was standing in front of a tree just like the one Lily was looking at.

"What?" Lily walked over to Remus and looking at the tree.

"What am I looking at?" Lily asked

"Over there on the second tree it says Evans." Remus said

"What are you serious... that's not my family is it?" Lily asked looking at the names.

"And look over here this one says black."

"Black... that was the name that was in the book that I was reading." Lily followed the tree down at the very bottom it said Chathryn Black.

"Hey Lily I think that this is your family at the bottom it says your name." Remus said

"What are you serious but that's not possible because I come for muggles... er... I mean humans" Lily said looking the bottom of the second tree.

"I don't not lily maybe it's not you it doesn't have your father on here" Remus said following the tree up.

"But it has my mother… what if my mom married someone else before my father." Lily said

"If she did then she married someone with the name Ian Evans"

"Oh Crap Lily we are late for our detention."

"Oh crap your right."

Then ran back to the library but no one was there

"Wait is this where we are supposed to be?" Remus asked

"I don't know I never had it before"

"So what should we do next?" Remus said

"Idk go to bed? It's all most 10" Lily said

"Okay" Remus said

"Miraculous" Lily said and the door opened. Lily started to walk to her room when Remus stopped

"What?"

"You're a guy" He whispered

Lily looked down "Oh crap your right what should I do?"

"Well you could sleep in my bed." Remus said his face starting to get red.

"Are you serious? " Lily face started to go red also

"Don't worry I won't sleep with you. I'll sleep on the couch in here"

"No I don't want you to have to sleep in here just cuz of me; I'll just sleep in here"

"But I don'"

"No Remus to tell you the true I don't really want to see want is up there beside I'm going to change back soon"

"But Lily"

"No Remus I'm a guy now, so that means I get the couch."

"Fine but at less let me get you a blanket or something"

"I'll take you up on that." Lily said walking over to the couch. She started a fire and sat down.

"Okay I hope that this is warm enough for you. It's pretty cold out there."

"It should be it's in the middle of October"

"Right so is there anything that you need me to get you?" Remus asked handing her the blankets

"I don't think so… CRAP!" Lily said putting her head in her hands

"What?"

"I have something due tomorrow but my books are in my room"

"Well what book do you need maybe I have it in my room"

"History"

"I think that I have that… If you want then I give it to you, it's in my room"

"Okay… I wonder if I could still go to the girl's dorm room."

"Oh you can." Remus said walking up the stairs

"Wait how do you know?" Lily asked stopping at the stairs

"Me, James, and Sirius most likely drank the same thing that you did, and we still couldn't go up there"

"Are you serious why did you guys do that?"

"Well we were trying to … yah…oh would you look at that we are here "Remus said opening the door

"You are just trying to change the subject."

"That's right I am… is it working?"

"Yah I guess… so where is this book." Lily said looking in the room, and to her surprise it was clean really clean.

"Wow I didn't know that you guys kept your room so clean." Lily said walking into the room and looking around.

"Well yah it use to be so messy you couldn't see the floor, but I got sick of it. So anytime someone left their stuff on the floor I would give them a week to get it off. If it was still on the floor I would put everything in a box and throw it out the window."

"Wow that work... How long did it take them to clean up after themselves?"

"About a month… but it was really fun to throw it out, sometimes I wish that they would leave their stuff on the floor, because when they found out what I did then their faces were priceless."

"Oic... anyways so do you have that book?"

"Oh yeah… hey if you want then I can help you with that, I just finished mine yesterday."

"Okay cool."

…

"Dang I'm finally done how long did that take anyways?" Lily asked stretching

"An hour and a half."

"Seriously it felt like 5 hours" Lily said lying on the bed

"Oh I know" Remus said lying next to Lily

"Wow I'm soo tired." Lily said closing her eyes; Lily could felt a shadow above her head.

"Wow Remus you really are gay." Sirius said walking in

Lily looked over at Remus, his face was cherry red.

"What are you talking about?" Lily asked him

"Who is this anyways" James asked

"Are you serious James?" Lily asked him

"No I am" Sirius said raising his hand

"Wow that joke is soo overrated" Lily said

"Who are you seriously?" Sirius asked

"Oh you know… anyways thanks for helping me with that Remus see you tomorrow." Lily said leaving the room the last thing that she heard was

"Okay Remus if you're gay I want to know"

…

_**Remus' POV**_

"Guys I'm not gay okay" Remus said

"Come on Remus you can tells us we won't tell anyone" James said

"Yes you will…besides there is nothing to telling. Cuz there is nothing going on." Remus replied

"What is his name anyways?" Sirius asked

"Go ask her." Remus

"Wait it's a girl?" Sirius asked

"No his not I'm just really tired right now and I want to go to sleep." Remus said getting ready for bed

"But you wish that he was a girl" James Said

"What no I don't"

"Okay whatever you say" Sirius said. They all started to get ready for bed

…

**3 AM in the morning**

"Wow your still up?" Remus said coming down the stairs rubbing his eyes

"What… oh yah I am" Lily said staring at the fire

"How long have you been staring at that fire?" Remus asked

"I don't know ever since I first sat here"

"What are you thinking about?" Remus asked sitting next to Lily

" Um…'sign'… nothing really just about what we were looking at today"

"Really what part?" Remus asked looking nervous

"I just can't get over the fact that I was on that wall… I was just trying to remember something from my childhood that would explain."

"Oh that…"

"Do you know what this means Remus?"

"No what?"

"It means that I'm not a mud blood"

"How do you know?"

"Think of it my dad wasn't on there it was someone else… it also means that I am related to vampires."

"You sure?"

"Of course I'm not… I just found out that everything I knew about me is a lie"

"Come on Lily you know who you are. Just because you found something new about yourself it doesn't mean everything else about you is a lie." Remus said taking her hand

"Really you think so?" Lily asked looking up at him

"Of course" Remus said hugging her. 5 second into the hug Remus pushes her off of him and stood up

"What's wrong?" Lily asked

"I just realized something… this looks really gay" Remus said turning red

"Are you serious … I just found out that everything I knew about myself was lie, and you're worried about looking gay?" Lily asked standing up

"Guys are really hard about that kind of stuff." Remus said

"I don't care I really need a hug" Lily said hugging Remus. After about 30 seconds into the hug Remus hugged her back

"I'm sorry that you had to find out about your mother like this." Remus said hugging her

…

**A/N: In case you don't understand lily and Chathryn are related**


End file.
